Woah. Actual revelation. I used to be an atheist, you see, but I just managed to achieve a seismic J-turn in my outlook via the medium of pure thought alone. It occurred, as so many of this genre of mind-spasm does, on the cludgie.
Until about two-thirds of the way through my most recent bowel movement I saw no evidence whatsoever for the existence of an omnipresent, all-powerful deity who had our best interests at heart. I laughed scornfully at suggestions that he had designed and built this Earth and everything on it. Intelligent design? Pah. Intelligent? A creature that can bite the inside of its own mouth? Have you ever shouted 'They're vikings you tit!' at the telly box when the announcer has said 'zombies' instead of 'vampires'? Or thought out loud that it's amazing how like modern day Germans the Barbarian hordes in Gladiator sound? Have you ever spent over five minutes at a doorway unable to open it using either of the two methods available to you? Has there been any quality testing involved in your design process? Have which.co.uk been consulted?
Or, the incident that led to my epiphany: Do you feel your creator has paid the fullest attention possible when you can still get your pubes caught inside your foreskin? Like, at least once a day?
Essentially the part I find unbelievable about God is that he is perfect. The evidence of my eyes and ears suggest he isn't, but rather than conclude that God doesn't exist based on this information it is just as valid an argument to say that God does exist. It's just that he's a fucking helmet.
It makes perfect sense. Just look at humanity. Millions pay to pick some glumscrubbing non-entity for a brief gush of fame. Put an anti-Genocide campaign in the same slot and people would get bored and depressed and fuck off to play Just Dance 2 instead. For anyone wishing to test this theory you should Google 'Genocide + Infants', print out the results, laminate them, and then glue them to the dance mat. Then watch as the younglings dance along with merry cries of 'Rupture, rupture! Malnutrition! Cholera, gunshot, open wound!'
Millions hate millions unconditionally based on purportedly factual books guiding their lives despite their obviously being morally subjective to the times and places in which they were written. America exists. The man in charge of Britain's economy is clearly on sabbatical from a Circle of Hell. Plus, this current world-wide decline in sanity is far from unique. It's happened before and it'll happen again until the planet takes mercy on us and decides to place the geological pillow that is the next Ice Age over the planet's pouting, gormless life-supply. Some of the hench-persons (for there are many and bickering segments) of this God bloke decided that their leader would be infallible about two-hundred years ago and then got away with it.
Does this look like the work of a capable deity?
If God made man in his own image then it's a fairly simple extrapolation to say that God must be a lazy, horny, forgetful dipshit of a deity, and his penis isn't nearly as big as he thinks it is.
If God is an idiot then we can explain away Humanity as a project he was really keen on for a bit but then forgot about while he was doing something else. Chewing or wanking for example. We're probably just some saved game in another dimension's version of Civilisation 2. Possibly there's a recursion throughout the multiverse. Fractals and stuff. Yes I've probably just misunderstood the nature of fractals, but it's not my fault. It's God's fault for making me an idiot with his 'Completely Bloody Moronic Design' and constant DIY botch-jobs on things like the environment, Palestine, and stopping Scampi Fries smelling just like jism.
Idiots, famously, are often racist or homophobic or sexist. Or as the Good News Bible puts it 'A man should not lie with another man. God hates that'. That was written a long time ago though, so he might have mellowed a bit by now and just think that gays should only be openly gay in special cupboards constructed for that specific purpose, black people should only be black in special cupboards etc. Also God would think it's spelt 'Sexist' but pronounced 'sexy'. That's just the way he rolls. Like someone's increasingly out-of-touch Dad.
This does mean that God cannot be female by the way. If God was a woman we'd be in a totally different place by now. It'd still be a weird, irrational and fucked up place, sure, but at least it'd be better organised.
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